David Archuleta Discusses Memoir on Sexuality and Faith

Three months after the publication of Devout, David Archuleta is both digging deeper into the journey that led him to write his memoir and finding more balance in his life since the New York Times best seller debuted. Archuleta became a household name in 2008, when at 17 he was a contestant on the seventh season of American Idol.

While fan votes poured in, those same fans had no idea he was wrestling with deep inner turmoil about how to reconcile his sexuality with his upbringing in the Church of Latter-Day Saints.

"I just didn't really know how to trust myself," he says. "It was the struggle of trying to please my dad, trying to please God and how I interpreted what that meant. " Archuleta recalls being mired in shame and guilt that at times made it difficult to be in front of people.

What TV viewers interpreted as shy and endearing qualities "was actually terror," he says. "I thought hiding was the solution to my sexuality. " Post Idol, Archuleta threw himself into his music and even more so into trying to fit the ideal of a young Mormon man.

Among efforts were three engagements to women that ended up breaking off. "What I had learned and understood was being gay is a sin and the way to overcome that is to get married and have a family," he says. As the cacophony in his head grew louder, Archuleta reached a point where he considered taking his life.

He describes a moment he interprets as divine intervention. "It was a moment I had with God. I was on my knees and the answer that I got was, 'Stop asking to change yourself because you're fine how you are.

It's OK to be who you are and it's a beautiful thing,'" he says. Since that time, Archuleta says he's been questioning all kinds of things, learning to trust his gut, and immersing in a supportive community. His parents and siblings have all left the Mormon church.

The decision to document his story, he says, was largely driven by a desire to support others living with similar circumstances. Today, he's working on balancing his role as an ambassador of sorts and enjoying his hard-earned happiness. "This is a conversation I want to have.

It's been years in the making for me, and I feel proud and good about it. But it's heavy and it's hard to stay in that place for long periods of time," Archuleta says. "I don't know what will happen in the future, if I'll get to that low point again for any reason, but so far since coming out… I almost chose not to stay, and I'm here.