Relationship Researchers Summarize Four Decades of Couple Interaction Findings

Drs. John and Julie Gottman published a 2017 review titled “The Natural Principles of Love” in the Journal of Family Theory & Review. The review summarized more than four decades of observational data collected from thousands of couples. The researchers recorded specific verbal and nonverbal responses that partners made when one sought attention or support.

They labeled these responses as turning toward, turning away, or turning against.

Turning toward occurs when a partner responds with interest or engagement to a request for connection. Turning away occurs when the request receives no reply or a minimal reply. Turning against occurs when the request receives irritation, sarcasm, or criticism.

The review states that repeated turning away can lead partners to feel emotionally disconnected. Repeated turning against can increase defensiveness and reduce willingness to initiate further contact.

The researchers tracked counts of positive and negative exchanges within observed conversations. They reported that stable relationships showed more positive exchanges than negative exchanges during conflict. They also described emotional flooding, a state in which heart rate rises and listening declines.

Once flooding begins, partners focus on self-protection rather than problem solving. The review notes that partners who maintain updated knowledge of each other’s current stresses and goals navigate disagreements with fewer escalations.