Writer Describes Estrangement from Daughter and Grandchildren

Frances Scott, a writer based in Missoula, Montana, recounted her estrangement from her daughter and twin grandchildren in a personal essay published by Newsweek. Scott described learning of her daughter's pregnancy and the birth of the twins in 2014, which she said offered hope for repairing their relationship strained by past events including her divorce and period of heavy drinking.

She noted reducing her work hours to spend more time with the grandchildren and finding new purpose in those interactions.

According to Scott, the mother-daughter bond had fractured during her daughter's teenage years, with ongoing trust issues persisting despite years of sobriety and therapy. She recalled specific incidents, such as walking the twins farther than permitted or using a homeopathic gel without permission, which she said contributed to eroded trust.

Scott described a conversation over coffee where her daughter expressed lack of confidence in Scott's adherence to rules for time with the grandchildren, leading to a suggestion of joint counseling.

Following the conversation, Scott said her daughter blocked her phone number, email, and social media, resulting in complete cutoff. She reported isolating for the first couple of years, experiencing intense loneliness triggered by seeing other grandparents with grandchildren or facing questions about her family.

Scott referenced a 2023 declaration by U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy, who stated that loneliness affects nearly half of American adults and carries health risks comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.

Scott cited research from the Harvard Graduate School of Education indicating that 66% of surveyed people identified insufficient time with family as a primary source of loneliness. She described estrangement as an ambiguous loss, similar to death but without societal rituals, leading to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and unprocessed grief.

Scott explained finding support through online groups for estranged parents, therapy, and a weekly group of estranged mothers, which helped her rebuild identity outside motherhood and share her story openly. She stated that responses to her disclosures have been kind and sometimes revealed similar experiences in others, reducing her sense of isolation.

Scott concluded that while the losses remain permanent, she has found community and joy again. Her work has appeared in outlets including The New York Times and HuffPost.